Infidelity is having a sexual, emotional, or physical relationship and affairs that are outside of marriage. Learning that your husband has betrayed you and the sacred vows made before God and man, can be devastating. The betrayal, hurt, and pain will take time to heal, but you must be willing to give your marriage a chance. Many marriages have survived this dreadful ordeal and yours can too. You need to know what to do when your husband cheats. Here are 14 ways to deal with infidelity:
1. Talk to your husband
Talk to your husband about the affair. Do not act as if it didn’t happen or you do not really care that it did. Denial will only compound the problem. Acknowledge the affair, you might not be interested in all the small details. But you need the information to help you see clearly, and bring things into perspective. Ask questions like “Why and When.” “Was it a one-off or was it going on for a while?” The mind tends to speculate when there are insufficient facts. Find out as much as you can, without making it an obsession. It might hurt even more to keep asking him about it too often. You need all the truth so you can identify the underlying problems in your marriage and attack it from the root. Communication is very important in the recovery process, so talk it out.
The worst part of the cheating is always the deception. Even though you might feel relief that you now know the truth, it will help decide the next step, but it will not immediately set you free.
2. Cry if you want to
Infidelity cuts like a knife. The hurt and pain might stay with you for a while. No use to keep it all bottled up inside. If you feel like screaming then scream. If you feel like crying then cry. You might feel like causing bodily harm but you shouldn’t. Try to keep your rage in control. Exercise the fruit of the spirit that you love so much, self-control. Stay calm. I know you feel hurt but know too that your husband might be feeling terrible. Guilt and shame can eat at the heart until there isn’t much there. If he loves you, he will be feeling rotten and asking himself. “Why he did you this great injustice.” Be mindful of his feelings. You will find it easier to forgive when you are able to sympathize with other people’s pain, even in your mess.
Forgiveness is a virtue. It is deep and sometimes it takes a while to come up to the surface. Learn to let go and move on. See your husband as human, with flaws. Humans make mistakes and fall short of the glory of God. You are not perfect, yourself. Remember Jesus said we must forgive even as he also forgive us of our sins. Don’t let the bitterness of your husband’s action take deep root in your heart. Once it’s deep down it becomes harder to forgive and let go.
Even though your spouse first commits this act against you. Do not retaliate thinking you can pay them back by doing the same. Two wrong doesn’t make a right. There is a strong possibility that you just might feel even worst than you did before cheating.
Know too that if he is truly sorry then he might be hurting as well. Try to see past your pain and understand how he is feeling. Do not kick him to the curb. Reach out in your pain.
4. Let go of the hurt and allow God to heal you
This is not easy and it will take some time to rebuild trust. But let go and allow God to heal the hurt and pain. He specialized in things that seem impossible for man. Give Jesus your broken heart. He will mend it. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise, “(Psalms 51:17). It isn’t wise to keep holding on and allowing yourself to relive the hurt again and again. Let it go.
5. Stay in your marriage
Do not make any hasty decisions and run and file for divorce. Reconciliation is still possible after infidelity. There are so many other recourses available. Divorce might seem like the best solution because you think it will end the pain. If your husband agrees to stop being unfaithful and wants the marriage to work; then you should also give the marriage a chance. Divorce is not the answer. There is no perfect answer, but time is part of the solution. It will all feel a bit better with time. The anger will leave and the pain will become less. Don’t leave, stay in your marriage.
6. Don’t wallow in self-pity
It’s hard to understand why something so terrible happened to you. Hard to believe your husband did you that evil. Well, you might never understand it. Maybe you shouldn’t try so hard. Even when you get all the answers; there is no rationale that will satisfy the “why” that is deep inside your heart. You just have to learn how to get past it. Focus on what’s ahead and not so much on the past. If you have to go back to the past try and remember the love you once shared.
Try not to feel sorry for yourself or keep telling others so that they can feel sorry for you. Ask the Lord to help you put it behind you.
7. Seek counseling
Seek professional help, see a marriage counselor, both of you can go together. Talking it out with an unbias third party might give fresh insight. Let the healing process begin. A Pastor or counselor will keep the discussions focused, unbiased, and result-driven.
8. Give each other space
You both need the time to recover from this. You might need some time apart but it might be best to work it out together. Some couples hide behind the separation, then they do not get the courage to face their marriage. Then later file for divorce Some run to in-laws who give poor advice and encourage the wife to leave the husband. Stay together and work it out, don’t allow his infidelity to kill the love you have for him.
9. Give yourself time to heal
Betrayal is not easy to deal with. You are not superhuman and you will need time to heal. Allow yourself to go through the process. Allow your emotions to go through the right channel. Feel the hurt, feel the betrayal, know that what your husband did was wrong. Be angry for a while, be sad, be uncomfortable in his presence, but move past it. Try not to be stuck in any one zone. Move past the past.
The journey of recovery is a long process with no set course. People heal at a different pace and deal with issues differently. The main thing is to seek help along the way, never try to battle infidelity alone. Some couples are so deep in hurt and pain that they might feel that there is no way back. They think things will never be the way it was. There is still hope for your marriage don’t give up
10. Seek help from friends and family
Seek help from family and friends and people that love and care for you. It might not be wise to go telling everyone you know about your husband’s cheating. Only confide in people that you know you can trust to keep things private and discrete. You can also attend marriage seminars and any marriage betterment groups at your local church. It’s good to have the support of others during these very difficult times. Do not stay stuck.
11. Do not allow the infidelity to destroy other areas of your life
People deal with hurt and pain in different ways. Some might get offended and start name-calling. Others might get disrespectful. You should try not to be resentful and disrespectful to your spouse. Never bring up the fidelity in front of the children, even if they are aware it might be more painful to keep hearing it from you all the time. Not a good idea to go around telling everyone that he cheated on you. Also unwise to let it dominate your every thought and dictate your next move. Keep your self-esteem intact. You are no less of a woman. It all boils down to forgiveness and letting go. You should try and encourage openness and honesty, don’t allow cheating to destroy trust. It will take a while to get back to the place that you once were, but work on it. Try to get up and carry on with your regular activities. Too many victims stay in bed and get depressed.
12. Don’t blame yourself
Examine yourself and be true to yourself. Are you responsible for his cheating? No. So don’t blame yourself. No use worrying and fretting either. What happened has happened. You now have to get the help necessary to move on and get back to the place that you want to be in your marriage. Don’t compare yourself to the person he cheated with. Do not keep asking him questions that you know will only make things worst. Don’t go looking for absolution from him. Remember who you are and know your identity in Christ. Trust God to perfect the healing process, and give you the expected end.
13. Show respect to your spouse
I know your heart is broken and the last thing you want to hear is to treat your husband with respect, but you should. You might feel like telling him that he is the scum of the earth and everything else. That will not fix the issue or get rid of the pain. You just need to stay calm and address the issues like a responsible adult. Show your husband respect, after the hurt you will always remember how you dealt with the whole ordeal. You might feel guilty or ashamed of your response if you didn’t handle it well. So will he.
14. Pray together
Pray with your spouse. Talk to God together, tell him of what is happening and ask him to visit your marriage. Ask him to turn your hearts back to each other. Let God mend, and restore your hearts as only he can. Prayer changes things.
Prayer to forgive your husband for cheating
Dear heavenly Father, I come to you in Jesus’ name. I feel so used and abused. My heart feels like it was crushed into tiny pieces. Father, please help me to move to pass this. Please heal my broken heart and give me the grace and strength to forgive my husband. Pease removes the obstacles in our marriage and helps him to resist temptation. Father help us to grow stronger together. Please Lord, bind us together with cords that cannot be broken. Let peace and harmony be in our home. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.