1. Love with unconditional Love
You should love your spouse like how Jesus loves the church, unconditionally. Love them for the person they are. Love is like a magnet and will pull out the other excellent qualities from your spouse. Qualities such as kindness, tenderness, and compassion. You should love and let them know it.
Show them the love you have inside your heart. You can say “I love you” but your actions are totally opposite. Therefore it is important to let your love come out. Love without works is dead. Work your love. Express yourself more, even if you are an introvert. Say “I love you” more often, buy chocolate and roses. Buy a tie or a wallet. Do the small things that will be appreciated and seen as acts of kindness. Give love and love will be given to you in return.
Encourage your spouse to go for their dreams. No matter how silly it might seem to you. It will mean so much for them to know that you are interested in their goals. Push them to go for it and never give up. Do whatever you can to make their dream a reality. This will mean the world to them. Listen to your spouse, be attentive, not just listen but, hear what they are saying and respond accordingly
2. See yourself in their eyes
You know who you are. You know who you want to be, but who do they see when they look at you? What does your personality say about you? Are you the loving person you claim to be? Always take a step back and see yourself in your spouse’s eyes. Do you meet their expectations? You should not try and change for anyone but, if you have nasty habits that are negatively affecting your spouse then, it might be time to look through their eyes.
Be true to yourself and others. Do not try to be something you’re not unless it’s cleaning up dirty faults that you can do without. You might be blinded by the signs that are coming from the person who is not crying out for help. If they love you they will appreciate the fact that; you recognized that you are far from perfect but, making every effort to be a better you.
3. Be Affectionate
Show affection to your spouse. A touch, a kiss, a hug, goes a far way. Don’t be wary of showing affection in public. Your spouse will feel appreciated and will help to kindle the fire in your marriage. Even if there is an argument and your spouse is angry, you can turn that anger into a smile by giving a hug or a shoulder rub. Do not let him/her remain on the couch, one night can eventually turn into one month. Forgive and make up, and make your spouse love you more.
Be a joyful person, get rid of the sulkiness and sour face. Let the joy of the lord rise up on the inside of you and spill out into your spouse’s life and those around you. If you are happy then the persons around you will feel it. Happiness will flow out from you to them. Be happy and let the joy of the Lord be your strength. Being affectionate will help to reduce stress in your life.
4. Trust your spouse
Trust is a firm foundation of any successful marriage. Lack of trust leads to one person becoming paranoid and suspicious of the other person’s action. Broken trust will eventually lead to broken marriage; if there is no forgiveness. Learn to forgive and let go of the past. Your spouse is not perfect and might slip up but don’t give up on him/her.
Forgive, it might take a while for you to be back at the place that you used to be but, you will get there. Move past the past and get to a place of peace. Do not be jealous and look for things that are not there. Don’t look for problems when your marriage is going well. Instead, be thankful to God and boast about how good things are. Keep it that way. You should always allow your spouse some room and time by themselves. Do not bombard them with phone calls and text messages when you know they want to be alone. Show love and respect always.
Trust them to spend some time away from you without feeling guilty. If you are always making unfounded accusations and getting worked up for no obvious reason; then this could lead to your spouse becoming distant and eventually hiding things. Be open-minded so your spouse can be honest without getting the third degree from you.
5. Rekindle the fire
Try not to get boring and unattractive. Take care of yourself like you used to before the marriage when you were single and searching. Surprise your spouse with love notes and loving text messages. Send them an unexpected email with a love poem. Rekindle the fire and make your spouse love you more. Still continue with the date nights, even after the children arrive. Make time for each other. Be romantic and spontaneous and spend quality time together. I know it is hard, it seems like there isn’t enough time in a day. However, it is important to find the time to make your spouse feel special.
6. Find new passions and hobbies
Spend more time doing the things that make both of you happy. Share each other’s passion and even hobbies. Show interest in the things that your spouse loves to do. Do not turn down an invitation to work or church social. Reinforce the bonds between you two by spending time together and with others as well. Visit friends and family members together. Invite them over too. Stability and unity are important for a sound marriage.
7. Find time for yourself
Spend some time with yourself. I know it’s hard. It’s even harder when you have children, but some ‘Me” time is very important if you are to maintain a good relationship. You need to find time to unwind and put your feet up. Do the things that you like doing, have some fun, and spend quality time with your God. Quality time with yourself will help to foster personal growth and development for you. Don’t lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of your life. Find time for you. Find time to read your bible and pray by yourself and as a family. When you are relaxed and happy you will make your spouse happy as well.
8. Say Sorry
You can never be too big to say you are sorry, Pride will cause your marriage to end in divorce. If you make a mistake, be a man and own up to it. Apologize and move on. Too many marriages end because of a petty argument that fosters into a big shebang. Owning up shows good character and will lead to greater respect from your spouse. Do not hide behind a text message or a phone call when you are saying sorry.
It is best to say sorry in person, so your spouse can see the deep regret and hear the sincerity in your voice. You should never try to shift the blame to your spouse but accept full responsibility and move on.
Don’t be quick to blame your spouse. If you are apologizing, don’t be saying “You, You”. Be brave and humble yourself and say “I”. If you are honest about everything with your spouse then they will trust you more and question your every move less.
9. Say what you mean from your heart
Talk to your spouse about everything. If you argue, be the first to apologize even when you are not at fault. Do not let the sun go down and you are still angry with each other. One day of anger and unresolved issues can lead to a lifetime of misery. Talk about your feelings and put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. See things their way. You might not necessarily agree with their point of view but at least you understand what they are saying, and where they are coming from.
Choose the right time to discuss important issues. Know your spouse’s mood and address issues as best as you can. Also don’t try to make light work of serious issues, if you know your spouse will not appreciate your gesture. Don’t be quick to run and rush out of your marriage, remember it’s a commitment and you must do your best to make it work.
10. Don’t apply pressure
Don’t pressure your spouse into becoming someone they’re not or don’t want to be. Love unconditionally. You should be ready to give of yourself and not expect a million times in return. Don’t push your spouse in a corner, and always ask them to compromise if you do not want to do the same. Be happy with your marriage, and do not compare your spouse to others. Be content with what you have and just seek ways to improve on it. Stop complaining about the small things and look at the big picture. Give compliments instead of complaints, show your spouse off to your colleagues and friends.
11. Pray together
Prayer together, Make it your priority to wake early, and keep morning devotions together. Do family devotion time, with your children and households. Praying together will enforce a strong bond between you and your spouse. Ask God to bind you together with cords that cannot be broken. Pray that God will protect you from everything that might come up against your marriage. He is the strongest protector you could ask for. Praying together will take you into the spiritual and help you to conquer the problems in the physical realm. Don’t spend all your time on Facebook and Instagram, find time to pray together. Pray together and stay together.
12. Good countenance
Be friendly and stay calm at all times, even when you find it hard to do so. A pleasant countenance will attract a smile from others. Pleasant means you are approachable and your spouse and others will not have to worry about getting on your bad side. Your spouse might be reluctant or even afraid of coming to you if you are always moody. Always be in a good mood, with a warm friendly smile. This will make your spouse love you more.
Don’t let every day be a bad day for you. There should be no bad days. Every day you should remind yourself that this is the day that the Lord had made (See Psalm 118:24), be glad, and rejoice. Be thankful for your spouse and the good things you have in your life.
13. Do not be selfish, serve each other
Give of yourself and your time without selfish ambition. Share everything with your spouse. Don’t hold back, and take for yourself without giving much in return. Be dedicated to your spouse even as Christ loves and gives himself for you. Share things about your work and family with your spouse. Let your spouse know that you know that you can confide in them always. They will feel closer to you and make your spouse love you more. Work hard on your marriage just like everything else in your life.
Don’t just say that it’s a lifetime commitment. You must still work to keep it strong and excited. Do not put any other family member or friends above your spouse. The bible says in Genesis 2:24 that a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Do not put anyone above your spouse. Ask the father to build a wall of protection between you and the hindering forces.
14. Be a good communicator
No use keeping things bottled up inside you where it can only grow thorn and get worst. Talk about the things that are bothering you with your spouse. Talk to God about them as well. Be vocal, not in a disrespectful way, but always consider your spouse’s feelings. Respect goes both ways, show respect and expect the same from your spouse. Spend time with each other, be attentive, talk, and discuss everything. Do not act as if you are listening but are not.
Allow your spouse to finish their sentences, don’t put words in their mouth. Allow them to express themselves and their feelings without interruption from you. Nevertheless, don’t burden your spouse with trivial matters. Let go of things that are not important and could cause problems if you dwell on them too much.
Foster an atmosphere of harmony and peace in your marriage. Face-to-face communication and confrontation is best. Do not go around telling your friends and family about your marital problems. Talk to your spouse about it and find the solutions together. Please don’t shut each other out. Don’t hide things from your spouse, big or small. If you are having financial or emotional problems; Talk about them, don’t let them find out from others.
No topic should be off the table once you are married. Talk about it, talk it out now, rather than fighting about it later. Give of yourself and make your spouse love you more.
Prayer to be a more loving Spouse
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you in the mighty name of Jesus. I thank you that you are the King of Love and I could not have a better role model. Teach me how to love like you. Let me show love to my spouse. Father help me to be loving and kind always. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen