Money is a major cause of many marriage breakdowns and divorce. Learn how to deal with money and do not let money control your marriage. You should not allow money to change who you are. “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows,”( 1 Timothy 6:10 KJV). If you eventually have more than enough, it should not change your personality.
It’s important to discuss each spouse’s financial position and make sure you are both transparent and there are no hidden motives. Get everything out in the open, and start your marriage with honesty and integrity. Transparency is good so that there will not be any surprise about money issues.
Money, we work hard for it.
Many lose their soul for it.
Many kill for it.
Trample and crush their best friends for it.
Money will show up your personality
People deal with money matters differently. Also, people have their views about the importance of money. Just know that money can disrupt your marriage or brings stability. Sometimes your money problem might be that you do not have enough, you have just enough or more than enough to take care of your needs. Money is a sensitive topic, but must be addressed because if it is not managed properly it can lead to stress and anxiety.
Know what your spouse thinks about money
Find out your spouse’s perspective on money and spending. You might be surprised by their response. Because people have different perspectives and ideas regarding money. Some are willing to share what they have while others are selfish and want to steal yours to add to what they have.
Money, we all need it.
Some lower their standards for it.
And give away their pride and dignity for it.
But at the end of the day,
We can’t carry it.
In the next life and,
We should not love it.
Discuss money issues such as;
- Saving and plans for retirement
- Budgeting for household expenses
- Buying a home or renting
- Children, cost, and responsibilities
Know what money stage you are in:
Not enough money
This is the common stage and often is the beginning stage of most marriages. Money issues are staring you in the face. Not enough money to buy the necessities of life. During this time you will see your spouse’s character. A spouse who is willing to stick with you through the hard times without complaining and adding pressure to an already bad situation is a blessing.
Seasons and time change and we all need encouragement and love during the worst seasons of our lives. A loving spouse will have your back and stick with you through these hard times. They will always help you to believe that things will change for the better.
Just enough money
Enough to take care of your basic needs but not enough to afford the finer things in life. This is also a time of struggle and hardship. This is a compromising situation where most times you have to give up something to be settled. Be mindful of your condition and do not stress yourself in impressing others.
Some people push ahead to try and convince people that they are doing much better than they are. Save and find ways of reducing expenses until you can get to where you want to be. Work together to achieve common goals, do not hide away your finances from each other.
Couples should put their money together and share responsibilities while working to achieve the desired result.
More than enough money
This is where you can afford the finer things in life. Sometimes you are coming a long way from the stage of not enough with your spouse and when they get to the place of more than enough they feel like they have accomplished it all on their own. Then they turn and run to someone else and are ready to ask for a divorce. Some people are just not loyal.
Not many people can handle the stage of more than enough without causing hurt and pain to their spouse. Some people are drawn away by the world and their newfound wealth. Buying excessively and wasting money senselessly. Share everything, do not let money control your marriage.
People fall into many spending categories like Impulse spenders, cautious spenders, gamblers, and risk-takers.
Which category do you fall into?
How to take control of money (tips to improve spending)
- Plan together
- Make sacrifices as a couple
- Contribute what you can and be productive
- Make a Budget and stick to it
- Practice sound management and wise choices
- Live according to your means
- Reduce excessive spending
- Exercise self-control when it comes to spending
- Don’t put yourself in debt
- Strive to be financially stable and debt-free
- Be a good steward of money
Take control do not let money control your marriage. Be faithful to each other in every area, this also includes your finances. Be ready to compromise and give up some of your expensive habits for a more worthy cause.
Make wise money decisions, and ask questions like:
- Who is the spender?
- Who should do the budgeting?
- Who should buy food and pay bills?
- Who is responsible for child care?
Before you tie the knot
It’s best to sit down and discuss the many aspects relating to money before getting married. Good communication is vital to every marriage Don’t wait until after the wedding then you are ready to know more, then you find out that your partner is deep in debt. This is a burden to carry around in your marriage and can put a great strain on the marriage.
Whatever decisions you both make will have a lasting impact on you as an individual and also on the marriage.
1. Discuss your financial position
Before the marriage, sit down and discuss your financial positions. Be honest and discuss everything. If you are deep in debt then say so, if your credit is almost dead, say so. Don’t lie and sugarcoat everything and enter into the marriage with deception and lies. Whatever is hidden in the darkness will eventually come to light. “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor,”(Exodus 20:16 KJV). Build your marriage on a solid foundation of respect and honesty.
Consider the wedding cost
Discuss everything, and know who will be responsible for the wedding cost. Problems with planning and spending on elaborate expensive weddings can last a long time. Starting off the marriage journey with debts can be a drag. Decide how you will cover the wedding cost. If your family members are willing to help then accept their help. If not, then figure it out together.
It’s not a good idea to spend extravagantly on your wedding unless you can afford it. Don’t run up massive debt just to show off. After the one-day wedding when all your family members and friends have had their fun, full their belly with food and wine, and gone their way; you and your spouse will be left with the debt. And the thoughts “Was it worth it.” Stick to your budget and spend wisely.
2. Look at the legal implication of being married
Marriage is a legally binding agreement. Find out the legal issues and be willing to accept all the responsibilities that come with it. Remember that you are no longer on your own but in a partnership with your spouse. Discuss everything and decide how best to move forward.
Figure out how you will both handle debts and future spending. If there is a large financial debt then make a schedule as to how you will settle it, in a reasonable time frame. Look at both credit scores and find ways to make it better.
3. Decide how to pool your finances after marriage
There are so many aspects relating to money, deciding where to live, and if you will buy a house or rent. Deciding how to split household expenses. Who will pay for what? These can be discussed as you go along but must be clear so that there is no confusion. Like “I thought you paid the Hydro bill.” Then only realized that bills weren’t assigned. It’s best to do a budget and share the responsibilities based on salary and abilities.
If there is no accountability then one spouse might find themselves shouldering most of the expenses and feeling strained and exhausted. Manage money wisely, budget, and live within your means.
4. Be honest
Talk about everything, too many marriages end in divorce because one or both spouses were deep in financial debt and lied that all was well. Then slowly or swiftly everything crumbled and shift the entire family out of place.
Many could not survive the great deception, hurt, shock, and disbelief. Mistakes that could have been averted if all cards were laid on the table. Together, two heads are better than one. Discuss all issues no matter how it looks. It might be a case where one spouse has a spending addiction or is just not wise with managing money. In such a case there is the need to have strict budget limits relating to credit cards and spending.
There are emotional and financial impacts of poor money management. The emotional effect can be severe, ranging from fear, depression, anxiety, envy, and stress. Poor money management can lead to poverty, lack and hardship. Dishonesty and disproportionate bill sharing can lead to resentment and bitterness.
Proper budgeting and the right discussion will set the stage for sound financial decisions about future money issues. People should be aware that money can affect marriage but do not let it control yours.
Prayer to not let money control your marriage
Father, I come to you in Jesus’ name. Lord help us to trust you to supply all our needs according to your riches in glory. Father, please give us peace in every storm of life. Help us to put you first above money and our finances. Lord, please help us to always be honest with each other about every financial problem and give us the wisdom to solve them. Father let money not control or destroy our marriage. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.